Where did that come from???

My last blog shocked me, even as I was writing it. There is a lot of resentment in me toward a callous, finger-pointing society that pays lip service to wanting to help all citizens, but then says this group or that group brought their problems on themselves...soooo, we shouldn't be expected to help them. As an obese smoker, I've listened to and definitely internalized a lot of these attitudes. I'm obese because I have no willpower, I let myself go after landing a man, I don't care about myself...I'm lazy and don't care enough about the bad example I've set for my children. Smoking...same thing. Nobody should help me when my health deteriorates, just find me a rock to crawl under. On and on, the messages are all around. Even in a discussion group at a church I'd been visiting last year, the topic was what exactly should we as a society feel obliged to do for one another? And an elderly woman sitting across from me brought up smokers and obese people, driving up healthcare costs for everybody. I didn't say a word to her, but frankly haven't been back either. What can I say? I'm filled with mixed emotions about this, because I certainly do blame myself in many ways.



But at the same time, I question this line of thinking. Recently I remembered a couple things from several years ago. They're unrelated events, but I think there's a connection. First, when I was growing up, we never wore seatbelts. They weren't given the slightest thought by anyone I knew. When I became pregnant with my first child, however, I suddenly became so aware of the need to take care of myself in order to protect that growing baby inside me. I quit smoking, ate veggies and took vitamins. Once at work I refused to use a stepstool to get something off a shelf, because I worried I might fall and hurt the baby. And, I started wearing a seatbelt in the car. That actually concerned me, because I realized that the belt itself could hurt the baby in an accident. But, after thinking about it, I decided to wear it as low as possible, that the protection it afforded was worth it. Somewhere around this time, seatbelt safety became a public issue. Advocates for its usage were loudly exclaiming that healthcare costs were rising because people who don't wear seatbelts and get in accidents sustain more serious and expensive injuries. So insurance premiums must be higher than they'd have to be if everyone would just buckle up.



This sounded very logical. I talked my husband into buckling every time, and we raised our children to wear their seatbelts as well. But I wondered about those insurance premiums...has anyone out there noticed that they came down when the seatbelt laws came into effect? Motorcycle helmets are another example...again I started hearing about how expensive head injuries are to society and that sooo much money could be saved if people would wear their helmets. And now we have helmet laws, so I'm thinking there's been an increase in helmet usage, so fewer head injuries...and yet those healthcare costs keep spiraling out of control.



Also, in the early '90's, I took a sociology class. The professor talked about our society's tendency to blame poor people for their situation. And it's true, we do blame people. We think they could've done anything with their lives, they had opportunities same as all of us. They're probably milking the system just so they can stay on welfare and sit on their asses. I think this reasoning comforts us to some extent, because to look more closely would be to realize how any one of us could fall on hard times. My husband and I in fact have been in tough situations, where without the support of family who knows how we would've made it through.

May I say that immediately after the previous post, I envisioned a subsequent writing where I would look at how much our society actually depends on people who keep overeating, sitting on our butts, and smoking. Really, think about how many billions of dollars the diet industry rakes in every year. Not just the specific diets, but also in healthcare...bariatrics is advertised virtually every time I look at the tv. I know of several people who've chosen surgery for weightloss. This is a procedure I don't believe is done unless the funds are available, so isn't it actually generating income for doctors and all the associated staff? It is big money, folks. Well, I could go on quite a bit, but as I said, I only envisioned addressing this...I thought it could be quite sarcastic, funny and entertaining, driving home a message about how society thinks.

But, at the same time, another issue has been coming up for me. This is more difficult to explain, because it involves a lot of thoughts/problems I don't care to blog about. Suffice it to say that I've recently been having so many negative thoughts, it's been affecting how I treat loved ones and even strangers. Internally, I've struggled, wanting to be happy and positive but carrying the burden of these troubled thoughts. Discussions with dear friends and family members have had a theme, we each are responsible for the energy we generate. There is a true ripple effect for every action...what actions do I want to set in motion? Stories abound about positive minded individuals making really wonderful differences in the lives of those around them, simply by their uplifting perspective.

When all is said and done, this is how I want to live my life...generating/perpetuating love, kindness, generosity and hope. It truly begins within each of us, how we greet our loved ones in the morning, how we handle interactions through the course of each day. A professor once told me, 'fake it until you make it'. I believe if we make a conscious effort to smile, ask caring questions, be patient...all of this will become second nature. It very much has the power to create a 'pay-it-forward' mentality all around the world. I recall in June for my older son's graduation, we went to a late dinner. Service was slow. I reacted impatiently, gave the server a tough time and complained to management. My daughter Jessie was appalled at my behavior. I thought, she's young and hasn't fully learned how to stand up for herself. And still I could argue either way about whether a customer is entitled to pitch a fit when things don't go right...but, if I think to the topic here, how instead could such situations be handled? What if we thanked that server profusely for what she did do well, or laughed it off realizing, hey we're all here celebrating a joyous event, so what difference does it make if we have to wait a while for our meal? How about showing concern for the server, asking if it's been a long day, or how the business is doing in these troubling times? Well, this is all food for thought.

So, that last post full of sarcasm will hopefully be the last of its kind for me. I'm hoping anyone reading this will have a wonderful week, filled with hope and positive energy.